I am troubled by many issues. So much so that I hardly know which to face first. Writing this delays a decision but might help me see things in a better perspective.
In not much order, but with the most pressing first, these are some of my problems.
1. I have to attend Quaker meeting for worship later this morning. This is to be followed by our monthly Meeting for Church Affairs (MfCA) aka “Business Meeting”, of which I am Clerk. I spent much of yesterday preparing for this, having sent a first draft agenda to members a week or so ago. I have printed the draft minutes and several agendas. I have also prepared this week’s notices. I note with irritation that the Friend who often rebukes me and often suggests new tasks is as usual to be absent.
2. I have drafted a note to our Conflicts Resolution Group (CRG) asking them to consider a dispute I had two days ago with a Friend who has at least two important jobs in the Area Meeting (AM) including being on the CRG. But I wonder what good might come out of me sending it. Here’s the text of it with the person’s name deleted:
”I request the Conflict Resolution Group to consider a conflict I had with X during a recent meeting of the AM Trustees Finance Committee. Though the issue might seem trivial to most Friends I believe it to be symptomatic of a deeper issue which has troubled me greatly for several years.
I consider it would be useful at least to air the deeper issue, perhaps to convince me I am mistaken, or perhaps to eliminate misconceptions that some Friends appear to have about me.
I assume the work of the CRG is confidential.
I am aware that X is a member of the CRG.”
I might point out that I have not heard of any previous use of the CRG, so if I were to go ahead it would demonstrate if nothing else my difference from other Friends. Is my difference a fault or is it an example of willingness to confront an issue using the correct procedures rather than either harbouring anger and resentment (which I have for several years) or simply leaving the Society (as have others for similar reasons).
3.Yesterday I went to one of the two Quaker Burial Grounds of which I am “Custodian”. There was to have been a working party but I cancelled it about a week ago due to an ailment and because I have done almost no work for the Green Party in this election period and felt I should. Then I found out some Friends had not heard of the cancellation so I had to go. I spent two hours working there. No-one else turned up! The previous day I had gone there to inspect it and also to the other BG Lower Hazel where I did a survey of work needed. Yesterday I wrote up my findings and specification of jobs to be done there, but now I need to contact landscape gardeners to seek estimates and quotes.
4. I have had a long slow correspondance in the last year or two about the ‘deeper issue’ I mentioned above. A reply to a letter I received about two months ago is in my mind but not yet written. The need to write it and send it is now urgent as it will interfere with the application to the CRG.
5. It is a week since I sent a letter, a complex application, to the Charity Commission on behalf of the CIO Group – a subset of AM Trustees. I am worried the CC will ignore it as it might not be in accordance to their (ill-defined) acceptable procedure. Should I write to request an acknowledgement of my letter?
6. I have failed so far to update the Bristol InterFaith Group (BIFG) website as I had agreed to do. One part of my inhibition is the fear I will not get all the facts right, i.e. the need to ascertain them.
7. I have too many jobs. I cannot keep to my time management plan as I am always fighting brush fires. My office is a mess. My intray full. My pile of documents to be filed very high. I need to write to resign from the BIFG committee (especially as I think they are ineffective – tho I then feel guilty as I could revitalise them if I had the time) I look forward to the end of my term as local meeting clerk at the end of this year. I might also ask to be relieved of my role as the Area Meeting’s inter-faith person.
8.I spend a lot of time gardening and on my allotments. This is welcome escape from all the above. But I need to resign as Allotment Site Rep. But no-one else is willing to take over. If none of us does it we will have ‘direct rule’ from the Council, which could be bad.
9. I have not thanked people for all they did and gave me for my recent 80th birthday.
10. I am deeply saddened and alarmed by an article in this week’s Quaker magazine The Friend by a well liked and respected leading Friend, arguing a new case for dropping ‘God’. Not the usual case in which ‘God’ is seen as a male autocratic control freak full of anger and jealousy. This time it’s that others such as ISISand the conflicting parties in Northern Ireland claim (do the latter?) they are supported by ‘God’.
11. I’ve written plenty on that subject and now others write in a similar vein as do I. But I have in mind a letter or article for The Friend pointing out a structural fault in our Society, the lack of a training/learning/information function which ensures all members understand the “Purpose” of the Society (all other religious groups in fact most organisations, have some means of doing this frequently and effectively). Hence for instance the ignorance of the Quaker concept of ‘God’.
12. I am much in debt due mainly to the OTT parties I gave, but I am reluctant to sell shares. But I need to face up to that, and get online to do so.
13. I have neglected to write my monthly column in the local newspaper.
14. My daughter in law would like me to spend more time with my 2 year old grandchildren twins, and I would like to, but always feel too busy.
15. I have a major worry as my son and dau-in-law talk vaguely of moving soon and she has been doing a lot of clearing out the huge amount of cumber in the house (every cupboard bursting) which will probably mean I shall have to find another far less pleasant place to live. They will not discuss their plans etc with me – mainly I glean info by overhearing their conversations with their friends. (I put up most of the cost of our house. My share was diluted by her huge extension but still I have put in over 40% of all the costs and by far and away most of the time spent on improvements and maintenance. Despite this they treat me as one might a fellow-guest in a hotel.)
16. For the past three weeks I have had an ailment which makes me walk slowly and painfully. It seems to be getting worse. I am worried about what to do about it. The local GP waiting list is about two or three weeks, and anyway she would only refer me to a consultant – another long wait. Should I go to an osteopath, a chiropractor, a physiotherapist?
17. Should I go to a counsellor to discuss all the above? If I was in a normal church I’d have a vicar to talk to. In Quakers there is no-one. My dispute is with the Elders and my local Overseers have not the time. My close woman-friend listens to me and sympathises but her advice is too militantly in support of me.
18. Another problem. She wants me to research and suggest trips and a holiday.
1360 words. Wasted???
SP 4/6/1
My Credo Blog 
Dear Stephen, You are indeed doing too much. We all suffer from the illusion that we are indispensable, but when you are gone – what then? For a while (many years ago) I was LM Clerk and I virtually left the Society when I resigned in anger. My sure guess is that you still need a place to worship, but that is all you need.
John